Samsara
by NowComesTheNight
Summary: One afternoon, many years in the future, Suzaku Kururugi sat on his back porch to rest only to be confronted by a familiar person. A person who died seventy three years ago. Canon timeline. Bittersweet. Hint of suzalulu.


Samsara

One afternoon, many years in the future, Suzaku Kururugi sat on his back porch to rest only to be confronted by a familiar person. A person who died seventy three years ago. Canon timeline. Bittersweet. Hint of suzalulu.

Warning: DO NOT read this if you have not seen the end of season two of Code Geass (or haven't browsed for Code Geass videos on youtube, for that matter).

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. It belongs to its creators and affiliated organizations.

XoxoxoX

The high pitched whistling of the kettle shook Suzaku out of his daydream and he set about getting his tea together with the slow, ambling gate that had befallen him over the last decade. He'd been lapsing into memories of old times recently and wondering what might have been. What might have become of his life if he had made just one different decision. What might have been different if he had even half of the wisdom then as he does now. However, none of that reminiscing could change anything.

Sometimes, Suzaku believed that all he had left was a lifetime of painful memories and sore regrets. After all, seventy three years ago he killed his best friend.

Many things had occurred between he and Lelouch. They betrayed each other, helped each other, and, when all was said and done, killed each other. Though his own death had been staged while Lelouch's was real, he may as well have died. Suzaku walked through the world like a ghost. He became Zero- an ideal, a dream, a hope, a wish, and he was never again complete or whole. Gradually over the decades, Zero faded away little by little. He made fewer appearances and allowed the politicians and rulers to become more and more visible until he simply stopped altogether. It was so subtle that nobody even noticed when he finally disappeared. No one knew Suzaku existed behind the mask, or if they did they never said anything about it.

The life-long solitude had given him time to think. He started off enraged, and that anger had been what gave him the strength to drive a sword through Lelouch's heart. However, by the time he held the sword in his hand his anger was already compounded by guilt and sorrow. When Lelouch was truly dead and with the sounds of Nunnally's raw screams and wretched sobs ringing in his ears, grief sang through his bones as though they'd been dipped in acid and it was eating him from the inside out. Suzaku wallowed in self-hatred for years, decades even. If the Geass forcing him to live hadn't been placed on him he surely would have killed himself, because it was in these years that Suzaku relived their friendship.

Maybe he was seeing Lelouch from behind rose colored glasses. Maybe the passage of time and the grief driven selectiveness of his memory clouded the bad blood between the two, but he couldn't help remembering the depth of care and gentleness Lelouch could posses. He may have been capable of great cruelty, but Suzaku knew Lelouch coveted those he loved and never enjoyed seeing them suffer even if he was the cause of that suffering. Even if he felt his actions were justified.

It took him many years of silence and solitude to come to terms with everything Lelouch had done as well as everything he himself had done, and all that was left was the affection Suzaku had held for Lelouch since childhood. Now, it no longer mattered to him what Lelouch did or was. He just missed the young man who knew him better than most. His cohort. His co-conspirator. His friend.

Suzaku gathered his cup of green tea in his weathered hands and made his way across the small kitchen and out to the back patio. The ever present ache in his bones caused his movements to be slow and purposeful. Though the passage of time had been kinder to him than most, he was still ninety years old and his youthful strength and agility was all but gone.

The wooden rocking chair was a little too stiff to be comfortable, but Suzaku relaxed against it as he sat down. He looked out across the garden of his small backyard where the grass was full and green, and the cherry blossoms were just beginning to bud in the trees. The fence surrounding his property was nearly overrun by the cloying, winding ivy that had popped up over the last few years, but he didn't really mind it so he allowed it to grow as it wished. Suzaku took a careful sip of his tea and listened to the children next door as they laughed and screamed while playing carefree games. None of it bothered him.

Suzaku smiled as he leaned back a little, resting his head against the back of the chair. He felt a sudden wave of exhaustion and let his eyes drift closed. The breeze was brisk, but the sun was warm and the air was fresh and he decided a short mid-morning nap was just the thing he needed.

"Somehow, this is not how I thought I'd find you."

Suzaku's eyes snapped back open in surprise. Right in front of him, leaning against the railing of his porch, was a boy with a familiar haughty smile and glinting violet eyes. His heart thumped hard in his chest.

"Lelouch!"

The same dark hair, the same smooth, pale skin, the same thin, lanky-limbed body and dressed in the old Ashford Academy uniform. He hadn't changed a bit since he last saw him seventy three years ago. How is that even possible?

"Sleeping in a rocking chair?" Lelouch taunted with an arch of a delicate eyebrow. "I'd just assumed you'd run until you died."

"You try living to ninety and see how much better you'd be." Suzaku snapped at his old friend before suddenly feeling irrational guilt flood him.

Lelouch's smile tightened a little at the comment and Suzaku turned away unable to look at him anymore. That was when he noticed how dark it had become. It was practically twilight now, though Suzaku couldn't see the sun. A thick fog had rolled in, obscuring the fence at the back of his property. It was silent and eerily still.

"Wow, how long did I sleep?" Suzaku asked as a chill fought its way down his spine.

"Not as long as you think." Lelouch replied cryptically. Abruptly, he pushed himself off the railing and walked down the stairs into the yard.

"Wait-" Suzaku jumped to his feet and started after Lelouch only to cut himself off when he realized how easy the movement was.

He stopped and looked down at his hands. The livers spots and knobby knuckles had completely disappeared, leaving unblemished and perfectly formed, arthritis-free hands. He brought his hands to his face and felt smooth, tight skin where it once had been lax and wrinkled with age. Suzaku jumped up and down lightly and no longer felt the weakness of over-worn muscles nor the creaking of old joints. He looked at Lelouch, dumbfounded, to find his companion giving him a smug, knowing smile.

"I'm young again?"

"Not exactly." Lelouch answered.

Suzaku wasn't listening, though. Instead he was running. He smiled widely and leapt down the steps and ran passed Lelouch with an energy and exuberance he hadn't felt in years. Lelouch simply rolled his eyes and shook his head at Suzaku, but he ignored him in favor of bounding around in a way he hadn't since he was a child and laughing while he did. However, he stopped short when he reached the fog, now appearing more like a wall, and a sense of foreboding hit him like a sledgehammer.

Suddenly, what his friend said caught up with him. His stomach twisted violently and he wasn't so sure he was ready to see what lay beyond the fog. Suzaku started when Lelouch grasped just above his elbow in a gentle, reassuring grip.

"What is..." but Suzaku stopped, not sure if he even knew what he was asking.

Lelouch just shrugged. "I don't really know myself- except that too many people are too fearful to cross. But you can find out."

Suzaku took a steadying breath and, with Lelouch's steadying hand there as a reminder he wasn't alone, stepped through the fog. For a moment, he saw nothing but swirling white. However, once it lifted Suzaku found himself in an open meadow surrounded by a densely packed forrest where the trees were thick and tall. The grass was such a rich shade of green and the flowers that dotted the field were more brightly colored than anything he had ever seen before. The fog had fallen away to a light mist that was barely visible and clinging to the roots of the trees at the border. The sky was dark like the night, but it was as easy to see as it is in daylight. Suzaku blinked, unable to comprehend the beauty and the impossibility of what he was seeing.

Suddenly, Suzaku was aware of a glowing light emanating from a pathway he hadn't seen twisting its way through the trees before. It was soft, calm, and welcoming, and he realized he was walking towards it without having made the conscious decision to. He felt pulled by it and the closer he walked the more Suzaku understood. What he was looking at was the turning wheel.

Just as he was about to take that final step into the woods and travel down the path to his next life, Suzaku realized that Lelouch was no longer with him. He glanced back and saw his friend standing in the middle of the field with his head held high, but turned away from the light. Despite the regal aura Lelouch always seemed to emit, Suzaku felt there was something fragile about him. As though, if he were to walk away right now Lelouch would shatter or fade into the wind. He would cease to exist.

With every step Suzaku made towards his friend, every step away from the light, he grew more cold and more hollow inside. Lelouch looked up with sharp surprise when he noticed Suzaku, and it was then he knew he was doing the right thing. He hadn't been sure, but he thought Lelouch might have been a figment of his own making. The ghost of a long lost friend sent to guide him to the glade. However, the heart wrenching surprise and longing clearly laid out before him told Suzaku that Lelouch was real and wavering. He'd watched Lelouch die once, had been the one to kill him, and this coldness was nothing compared to that agony. This time, Suzaku wasn't going anywhere without Lelouch.

"Can't you see the light?" He asked when he was less then an arms length away from Lelouch.

"Yes." His friend answered and let his eyes linger somewhere beyond Suzaku's shoulder before closing them. "But it's always been so distant."

"How long have you been here?"

"Too long." Lelouch's tone was carefully calm and measured, but Suzaku noticed the words were spoken like a sob. "I have watched everyone- all of my friends cross, but I've never been able to follow. You're the last one."

 _How many people has Lelouch helped across?_ Suzaku wondered. He had read about Nunally's death in the papers a couple of years ago and remembered that Kallen had died tragically young in a car accident. Had he been there for both of them? Had he been there for Ohgi, Villeta, Jeremiah, and his friends from Ashford as well? Suzaku remembered his hesitance when he'd come to the veil of fog. It hadn't felt comfortable or welcoming. Would he have crossed to this glade if Lelouch hadn't been there? Would any of them have?

"Maybe all you need is to let go." Suzaku said before extending a hand to Lelouch. "And let someone help you."

Lelouch looked startled before a slow, genuine smile came to his lips. Suzaku hadn't seen such an honest expression from Lelouch since he was ten. He took Suzaku's hand and together they walked to the path. The light was comforting and Lelouch's hand warmed in his own, filled out, and became more solid and real. Even as the world faded away, and even as Suzaku lost sight of Lelouch in the blinding brightness of the path they walked he could still feel the grip of his hand.

"Thank you." Floating light as a feather, it was the last thing Suzaku heard.

XoxoxoX

Note: This was actually inspired by an old Gundam Wing fanfic. I can't remember the name of it, the author, or most of the story itself. I just remember the scene in the last chapter where an elderly Heero died in a garden and a young Duo (who had died many years before) greeted him and guided him to the afterlife. There was no intention on my part to steal anyone's story, I just thought I could do something cool for Code Geass with that concept in mind.

Samsara is the Buddhist/Hindu (among other eastern religions) concept of reincarnation. Dharma is a concept that can mean many things, like "cosmic law and order" and the "right way of living" or "the path of righteousness". It is often represented as a turning wheel.


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